Wednesday, June 24, 2009
We always said if we were lucky enough to get pregnant, that we'd want the gender to be a surprise at birth. It felt to my husband and me like this might be one of life's last great surprises...and then, I got pregnant...and something changed.
I HAD to know what was inside me. I needed to know just as much as the doctors knew about my growing baby, and learning the sex before the birth is just part of the information we now can have, thanks to modern medicine.
I did feel a little guilty reneging on the deal my husband and I made, saying we'd wait and let it be a surprise. But I really did realize that the reason I was okay with it being a surprise was because I always thought we'd have a boy first. I don't know why it is, but I just have always pictured us with a little boy. Of course, I'd love to be lucky enough to have a girl someday, too. I am very close with my own mom, and plus, I think girls take care of their moms when they get old. So yes, for purely selfish reasons, I hope I someday have a little girl, but I've always, always always pictured our first baby having a weenie. So I thought, "Okay, let's not find out the gender. Because it's going to be a boy, anyway."
Secretly, for the past couple of years, I have been stashing away baby boy clothing that I find on clearance sale, and my husband has already started a sizeable collection of Star Wars, Lakers, & Dodgers onesies, which I have already informed him will be "bedazzled" if indeed we find out we're having a girl.
So now that we are about a week away from finding out the gender, I cannot contain my excitement. And of course, after all my preconceived ideas that we'd spawn a male child first, for some reason, I keep thinking this one might just be a girl. But therein lies the fun of not knowing yet --- even though we are not waiting until delivery day to learn which public restroom our baby will have to use, finding out next week will be a big surprise, too! And as I am quickly reminded by other new parent friends "Trust me, there are enough surprises that come with a new born that overshadow the surprise of which gender box they'll check."
I think everyone has to choose what's right for them, and who knows? Maybe with the second one, we'll decide to be patient and not find out until d-day. However for now, I am just giddy with excitement to find out what it is. We have already picked out our nursery bedding options, and depending on what it is, we will pull the trigger and make the purchase and then we can really get started on our dream nursery. And I really think I'll connect with the baby more once I know all there is to know about it at this stage.
Apparently, there is a new over-the-counter test from CVS drugs that can detect the baby's gender with an 80% accuracy rate. I just found out about this last week, otherwise, if it was earlier in the pregnancy, I just might have forked over the $35 for a chance to find out earlier...Then I realized, that's at least 1/3 of the cost of the Burberry jacket I am saving up to buy for my baby...boy? Or girl? Oh who knows, either one will both look smashing in it!
Plus, at this point if I can't even have the patience to wait one more week to find out, then I'll never be able to wait the whole 9 months...
Monday, June 22, 2009
Today, the shoes are red patent, low-heeled pumps. They are uber comfortable and help me with the Monday Blues because just looking at their bright color makes me happy. The pink toe nails are a little too Valentines Day-ish, but I have to roll with it.
We had a wonderful Father's Day weekend, but now I feel very tired. It was special to see my dad and my father-in-law in the same day, although our visits never seem long enough.
I wish everyone a great start to their week and will be writing more soon...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
It makes me wonder, at what point will it feel real? When will I really feel like a bona fide mom-to-be? Will it be when the first visible sign of a bump starts to appear? Or will it be the first time I feel my wee one kick, a possible sign that a mini-Beckham is growing inside of me? (Secretly, I am hoping for a Tiger, Kobe, or A Rod because I much prefer watching golf, basketball, or baseball to soccer….but of course, that’s not up to me…) I really want to know when it will sink in because right now all I feel is tired, hungry, and oh, did I mention exhausted?
I am cutting myself some slack, because after all, by some miracle called life, I am making another human. I joke with my husband sometimes when he gets home from work, “How was your day, honey?” I tease. “What did you do today?”
He answers with some pat answer, and I respond, “Oh, really, because I made some toes.”
All joking aside, it really is amazing that all this is going on inside me and I have little to do with it. Other than eating right (isn’t ice cream a grand source of calcium), exercising (online shopping can burn up to 100 calories an hour – more if you use Ebay), and trying to get as much rest as possible, I am taking a back-seat to what Mother Nature has been doing for centuries. It’s like being on pro-creation autopilot. I know there are a lot of maneuvers happening beneath the hood, and though I am in the driver’s seat, I may as well be asleep at the wheel because my body is just doing its thang. You go, Mother Nature. Let me know when I need to push or do something else strenuous…but until then, I get to be along for the ride as new changes happen everyday for my growing baby.
I have a new sense of calm and peace, and while my life is not perfect, I am making a baby and nothing can feel more significant in my life than that right now. The fact that my husband might be sent away for 4 months for work, or the fact that one of my huge projects at my job might get pushed until the month I am due, well I can’t really worry about those things right now, can I? Normally both of those predicaments might send me into a frenzy, but now what good is the stress going to do me? All I can do is wait until I know for sure what is happening and then deal with the situations as they arise.
But what I do try to deal with on daily basis are the new and constant changes my body is going through, like my acne-of-a-6th grader, my expanding waist, and my uncomfortable stomach pains due to the digestion problem-of-the-day.
So far, I have been blessed not to have bad morning sickness or any other dramatic health problem. I realize what I have is a gift and I am intent on not taking it for granted.
The first week I knew I was expecting, I think I listened to Maxwell’s “This Woman’s Work” about three dozen times on repeat. I needed to hear a song like that to help me focus in hopes that the reality of the situation would hit me. But the truth is, even when my belly is so big I can’t see my own feet, or when the baby is kicking so much in my tummy I feel like it deserves to be grounded for acting with such aggression, I still feel like none of it will actually seem believable until I am in the delivery room, trying to bring this tiny baby into the world…and when I feel those contractions and hear that tiny cry, that is I imagine when it will feel so real I won’t even remember the acne, exhaustion, or feelings of some surreal creature existing inside me…it will finally feel…real.