Thursday, August 11, 2011

Sweet Home Alabama?

Originally drafted in an email, 8/8/11.

Well, I am here. I am settling into my new "temporary" life as a military wife in Montgomery, Alabama. I reunited with my man Saturday night at the airport, just in time for his birthday on Sunday. The flight was surprisingly easy, and Joaquin had a great time on both flights...I stress JOAQUIN had a great time...Mama has a different song to sing. Being 6 months pregnant and traveling with a 21 month-old, with a bunch of carry on bags including a big camera and a laptop, does not rank at the top of my list of fun things to do. But at least he didn't throw up on me like he did on the flight to Hawaii.

The reunion with Kiko at the airport was wonderful and tear-filled, as Joaquin squealed with delight when he saw him. He then ran up to him and proudly said, "Daddy, I have money," showing him the quarter I'd given him earlier. If only a quarter will make him that happy in the years to come...

It was late so we pretty much just drove back to the apartment (more on this later) and went to bed...I was so happy to see him that the reality of our living conditions didn't really sink in until sometime later the next day.

His birthday was nice. He arranged for us to have lunch with some of the other couples so that I could meet some other JAG wives and not feel so alone. Then we came back to the apartment so he could finish an assignment and Joaquin could nap. It was during this time that I started to go into shock about where I was and what I was about to do...But, since it was Kiko's birthday, I bottled up my emotions and my longing to be home in our own house in Pasadena, and put on a happy face. We had a great dinner at a soul food restaurant named Mama Nem's...It was one of the only places open on Sunday. Apparently, in the south, most places are closed on Sundays, even the drive-thru liquor stores. Fortunately for us, Mama Nem's was open for business, and though they ran out of banana pudding, the mac n' cheese and cornbread stuffing were as plentiful as they were delicious.
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Once the birthday celebrating was over, Monday came and Kiko left for class at 6:30, I opened up the bottle of emotions and they pretty much kept spilling out at all the wrong times. (Like, when we were parking at the JAG school to go have birthday cake during his lunch break, and one of his classmates walked up me as I was bawling and feeling particular out of place and like I was a big nuisance....Great first impression of Lt. Ochoa's wife...At least her response was, "Fucking military sucks and Alabama isn't much better....I suggest retail therapy.") Though I was embarrassed, it made me laugh.

The tears kept coming at various times, mainly because I suddenly felt like I have no identity. Since leaving my job, I have had my own share of personal pep talks with myself about who I am and what I want from my life, but suddenly, feeling like a "tagsy-alongsy" military wife, who doesn't even have an ID, so is not even recognized by the military as a wife, has left me feeling shallow, lost, purposeless, and very, very alone...

I am also emotional because I am hormonal and have not been sleeping. I couldn't sleep Sunday night because our bed is not that comfortable and I had anxiety about what the week would bring. I don't yet have my military ID (we've gone twice to get it, but such is the military that they don't actually tell you everything you need to bring, just MOST things you need to bring, because apparently I am an "unusual" case...) The other reasons I couldn't sleep were because I was:
-worrying if second hand smoke inhalation transfers to a fetus through couch upholstery
-a bed spring was poking me in the left thigh
-the A/C is great and powerful, but blows right up my nostrils and makes me sneeze (although, it's better than being hot)
-and I really had to go to the bathroom, but didn't want to walk on the bathroom floor without my shoes on, and my shoes weren't accessible.

So, you might have guessed our apartment leaves a bit to be desired. Kiko warned me that it was small. Small I can deal with. But the residual smell of smoke from the previous residents and the 1/2 inch of grime left over on the linoleum flooring in the kitchen and the bathroom, um, not so much. Call me a a princess, but I feel like Motel 6 might be a step up. This is the apartment the guy you had a huge crush on in college lived in and you tolerated it because he was so hot and he played football, or was at least a red shirt...This is not the apartment you want to spend time with a toddler and 26 week-old fetus with...Okay, so it's not that bad, and after a trip to Wal Mart to buy new sheets, a whole lot of Lysol, some Febreeze, and scented candles, I decided to make the best of it, and now it's a lot better. At least if I forget to put on my flip flops, I don't feel like I am going to get some foreign fungus on my toes. We have a small kitchen, an A/C, a dishwasher, and there is a Starbucks not too far away, so I guess things could be worse. One of the wives said to me yesterday, "Oh, we looked at your apartments. They were nice, but we saw 2 cop cars outside so decided to stay somewhere else..."

Thanks for telling me that. Now, my fears are not only validated, but escalated...

Kiko attempted to make me feel better by saying "Yes, I've seen cop cars here, too, but I think the cops live here."

Um, I am not up on my Alabama state laws, but at least in LA, cops DO NOT drive their cars home. I am pretty sure these cops weren't inside one of our units with their families watching The Big Bang Theory (BTW - does anyone else think that show is totally overrated?), but I am going to tell myself they were here visiting "friends" and leave it at that. The minute I spy one or hear a siren, I am checking into the Drury Inn & Suites around the corner.

For now, I'll tough it out, and quietly keep my eyes open for alternative living arrangements. Surely there are other options. And now, if this ever happens again, I know that I'll need to play a more active role in the search for where to live.

I am anxious to get on a routine, to get Joaquin back on his schedule so I can resume my writing, and to find someplace other than a Wal-Mart to shop. Not sure if they have Farmers' Markets or any non-chain anythings in Montgomery...

If there was anything I ever needed to make me appreciate living in California, this trip might be it. Oh, how I miss the weather, and everything else. Where is my adventurous spirit? Well, I hope to find it somewhere. I am sure it's there...

I am anxious to find the Alabama that Lynyrd Skynyrd sings about in his song "Sweet Home Alabama, where the skies are so blue," or to find the quaint southern town in To Kill A Mockingbird.

4 comments:

Katie (Abel) Donahue said...

Hi Susan! Just to give you some helpful hints about being in Bama. I have lived her (my third time) for a while now and I can help. Yes, cops can take their cars home. Several cops in my area alone live in apartments. They usually get an incredible discount and the best apartment in the complex. Those with families usually live in homes and they park their cars there as well. :o) You're in the Bible Belt. The Commandment about keeping Sunday Holy is taken very seriously. Most places are closed on Sunday. I'm surprised you even have a drive thru liquor store there. Most counties/cities are 'dry' (no booze) on Sundays. I'm not sure how long you're here, but the humidity and heat will stay until at least October. Sorry. :o( I am 7 months preggers and the heat kills me. You need to be VERY careful as you're not used to it plus you're pregnant. If you haven't discovered Sweet Tea, that may make you feel better. :o) I am also only about 2.5-3 hours away. My number is 256-365-1245. If you need anything, even just a chance to run away, please call me. I can be there in no time.(I'm an Army Brat and have moved a lot, I understand the weirdness of relocating, even for a short bit) And last...I wish you luck on your new endeavor in life. Quitting your job may have been scary, but I think you have an identity. You're not just a JAG wife, mommy, or ex-director. You are all of these things and more! The Susan I remember can conquer anything, so once you find your groove, you'll be unstoppable. :o)

Mrs. Darnell said...

You have another military wife here if you ever need to vent or ask questions you might not be familiar with. I think we have moved 9 times in the last 10 years-and I still miss the Central Coast and family everyday. I wouldn't trade the last 10 years for anything! Hang in there, it is always a learning experience.

Mrs. Darnell said...

Btw, Mrs. Darnell=Sasha :)

Shoezen said...

Thanks for both of your kind words! Kate, I had no idea you were in Alabama...guess I need to pay closer attention on Facebook. Congrats on your baby on the way, too. And hooray for Sweet Tea. Thanks again.