Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Happy New Year & going back to work

Happy New Year! Yesterday was my first day back at work after taking off just over a week for Christmas. Leaving yesterday morning to go to work was almost harder than it was the first day I came back to work after maternity leave. But yesterday, it was hard not because Joaquin was so tiny, little and helpless, but because he is so much bigger and more aware when I leave. And because he bawled his eyes out when I started to leave. He awoke only 10 minutes before I needed to leave for work and he would not let me put him down. My normally well adjusted 1-year-old was clinging to my side, gripping my hips with his little thighs like he was riding a pony bare-back, holding on with all his might, determined not to fall off or let his feet touch the ground. I handed him to my hubby, then went outside to the car, and the sobbing continued. It was heart-breaking, but I think it was harder on my heart than his. I needed my key-card out of our other car, so I spent more time in the driveway than usual, and the whole time I was out there, I could hear the cries from inside the house getting worse.

My husband then said he cried for an hour after I left. It makes you feel loved for an instant, and then you just feel awful that at that moment in their young minds, they are inconsolable and they don't understand why mommy is abandoning them.

Then, last night, after a really long day at work, I got home a little after 8:00 pm, so excited to see him again, especially after our tearful goodbye. And he didn't want anything to do with me. I tried to pick him up and he turned away from me, reaching instead for his daddy. This cold-shoulder treatment lasted only a couple of minutes, and then he was hugging me and saying "Mama" with some of his best annunciation yet.

I needed to get this story written down so when I am having a hard day with him, I can remember what is was like when I had to leave and remind myself how lucky I am to be spending more time with him.

Oh yeah, in case you didn't know, starting next week, I am taking several weeks off work, while my husband ships out for basic training with the Air Force JAG Corp Reserve, so these tearful goodbyes will soon be a distant memory.

But if I needed any reassurance that I was making the right decision to spend more time with him, I got that reassurance yesterday...

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